As a school counselor, I have dealt with a significant amount of bullying issues in the school setting but today I want to share with you the concept of The Bully Within.
For the ambitious woman, we are often confronted with our own bullies: Perfectionism, the Need for Control, Guilt/People Pleasing Approval, Comparison all balled up unto the persona of the Inner Critic.
This inner critic, left undealt with, can really strip us of our true nature and lead to behaviors of isolation and numbing. Repeatedly retreating breaks down our confidence and certainty, and often we are left wondering if we should dim our light, take on a “easier” or “quieter” approach to living…
So here it is a quick "nit and grit" about how you can start to really get a grip on your bully within.
- Shushing your inner critic by first becoming aware of it’s voice – knowing that you are not your thoughts and you ultimately have a choice in the thoughts you choose to entertain. Take this as your step into empowerment by giving yourself permission to own your ability to choose.
- Step into the intention of being more present to keep your thoughts under control. Our inner critic loves to play in the sand box with anxiety and thinking the worst case scenario, all which come from thoughts associated with the past or the future. Stay in the moment.
- In every one of the tactics brought about by the bully within: guilt, shame, second guessing... using the 4 questions of "The Work" can give you a surefire way to rationalize your thinking process and it’s existence.
- Above all else, treat yourself with the compassion that you deserve and recognize that determination and courage are your strongest inner gifts, you can move from the place of the bullied and the bystander to the place of the upstander in your own life.
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